Tonight I sit here vulnerable. Somewhere in between enlightenment and being punched in the gut. Maybe that's what enlightenment feels like? Maybe I've always thought it would be light and airy. Maybe this is just what the truth feels like. So, I come here to ramble and put my heart out. I'm going through a break-up.
I'm of the age and have enough experience to understand each player in this drama. It's difficult to stay angry because I have compassion. I have been all of us at one time or another. This decision is meant for the good. Life feels short right now. I didn't want to wait around for someone to be what they aren't. Am I selfish and impatient? Maybe. But maybe, thanks to the internet I am learning what co-dependency is and that this kind of love will never feel good. I will always be living in fear. So I need to spend time loving myself so I can create the type of vibration that will attract a healthy person.
Perhaps my writing sounds strange and fragmented..but so be it. I don't care. I'm just going to be myself and work through this the best I can. When you see me smile, don't think it's fake. I can be hurting and still give a genuine smile. There's just so much going on inside. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.