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Feeling Vulnerable

Tonight I sit here vulnerable. Somewhere in between enlightenment and being punched in the gut. Maybe that's what enlightenment feels like? Maybe I've always thought it would be light and airy. Maybe this is just what the truth feels like. So, I come here to ramble and put my heart out. I'm going through a break-up.

I'm of the age and have enough experience to understand each player in this drama. It's difficult to stay angry because I have compassion. I have been all of us at one time or another. This decision is meant for the good. Life feels short right now. I didn't want to wait around for someone to be what they aren't. Am I selfish and impatient? Maybe. But maybe, thanks to the internet I am learning what co-dependency is and that this kind of love will never feel good. I will always be living in fear. So I need to spend time loving myself so I can create the type of vibration that will attract a healthy person. 

Perhaps my writing sounds strange and fragmented..but so be it. I don't care. I'm just going to be myself and work through this the best I can. When you see me smile, don't think it's fake. I can be hurting and still give a genuine smile. There's just so much going on inside. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

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Comments

  • It takes courage to leave the familiar Jane. You seem to me to be an amazing woman, with a huge capacity for love and creativity - keep going, you will be fine, you are strong enough.

    My thoughts are very much with you, Maggie.

    • Thank you Maggie. You are right. It takes courage to leave the familiar....so well put. It's uncomfortable. But I want change. I want more. And I was not going to get that the way things were going. Thanks for your comment. 

  • Jane....do you meditate?

    • Just started. I spent a bunch of time thinking about it, and reading about it, and talking about...and am now finally DOING it. :)

  • The path to enlightenment is never easy, there is so much inner work and excavation going on it's exhausting. It is worth all the angst to become better intuned to our inner voice. I can't say the way will lead you to complete contentment at the end because it is a never ending process and journey. There is joy and happiness along the way but also hard work and sometimes pain. Keep going anyway!
    • Thank you. For your comment and your honesty...:)

  • Check out Mind Power by John Kehoe. Still in print but difficult to find....first published 20 or so years ago....can be ordered on Amazon. Straight forward and more scientifically based than The Secret, which I found a bit more airy-fairy.
    • Been reading the book. I think I will buy one for everyone I know for Christmas :)

      • So glad you are reading it Jane. It certainly puts a different light on life in general. Certainly makes it encouraging to maintain a positive outlook.
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